Topic: Should I introduce my Asian boyfriend to my Southern parents?
July 19, 2019 / By Amaryllis Question:
TL;DR - Look at the title, self explanatory
Me, I'm 21 years old, and while I'm raised from the South, my family moved to the Northwest when I turned 11, and I'm just as Northern as I am Southern. People are sometimes surprised when I told them I was born and grew up in Tennessee :P I am a democrat, not very religious, and study English literature in college.
My boyfriend, he is half a year younger than me, and his English isn't perfect, but we have no problem communicating, and I speak his mother tongue pretty decently too. He's a diligent guy who's going to get his degree in international journalism soon. He's an American citizen, politically liberal, atheist, and isn't very fond of my parents when I told them what kind of mean folks they can be.
My parents, they are painfully stereotypical Southerners, even after living here for a decade. You've probably seen or heard of people like them before. They keep quiet in public, but in home, you wouldn't wanna know what kind of things they say about blacks and Muslims, and occasionally immigrants, usually the Latin Americans. Well, at least they are rather favorable to Asians, saying that they are "hard working and civilized", haha.
Well, we've been dating for five months now, and I haven't told them about him, because I KNOW they will freak out. They want me to date only "good ol' white boys" so that we can raise the kids with "American values"(and yes, they think every guy I date should be considered as a future husband material), and expect both myself and the guy to be virgins until marriage. Well, I've been sexually active since 17, him, since 16.
In a couple weeks, him and I decided to go on a road trip for a month, and I think it'll be really fun! But I don't know if I should introduce him to my parents and say that we'll go together. They'll obviously know we're going to have sex, a lot, if we'll be alone for a whole month. We've been having sex for a while now, but they obviously don't know. He said he'll be a bit nervous about meeting my parents, but he'll respect my choice and follow along.
I can just lie to them, and say that I'm going alone or with some other girl friends, and they most likely won't know. Or I can take the risk, introduce him to them, and see what happens. But what I'm worried about is that if they don't like him, which is a very likely case, then they're going to be very vicious to ruin my relationship with him. Of course I'll stay strong, but I think we can all agree that nobody likes unnecessary drama.
What should I do, introduce him, or keep him secret for now?
Wallis | 8 days ago
Eh. before the trip? I would keep it a secret and not tell them yet
YOu're gonna have to tell them eventually tho. I think that you should tell your mom about his wonderful boy you've met. Etc, etc. Say all the wonderful things about him.... but tell her that you're not sure if its really serious yet so she doesn't start assuming marriage. Tell them how smart he is, etc... Then say with a half-hearted laugh that he's Asian, but completely sweet. "and yes mom he is an American!". Then see what happens. Let them work on that for a while.
Just be up front about it and let them know he is Asian. Then several months later, you can bring him by for a quick visit. As long as they know he is "taking good care of you", then I'm sure they can look past their prejustices. Your boyfriend may have to "prove himself" to your family; let him know that. Its not fair, but is probably what is going to have to happen if order for them to come around. reassure your boyfriend that you will stick by him and not be mainpulated by your family, no matter what. I know you know that, but assure your boyfriend that as well. Yes, it may take some time for them to get used to him.... but if they love you, they will come around... eventually.
(btw, Im from TN too!)
Ummm. I'm sorry to say this, but if you're old enough to have sex, you shouldn't look at this situation in such an immature way. Lie to your parents????? Are you kidding me? You should of told them in the beginning. The fact that you've been hiding it is worse than anything else.
I almost feel bad for your "boyfriend". He must feel horrible that you'd even question introducing him to your parents no matter their racist behavior.
Have some respect for him, yourself, and the human race.
I know you're young and this guy may be "the one" (even if you both are so young), but give yourself some credit. If you think this is hard, wait until you guys break up and get back together a couple times.
Just tell your parents, but not when he's there in front of them for the first time. Tell them about him and also tell them about the trip, then invite him over so they can meet.
If you allow your parents to dictate your intimate relationships and tell you who you should date, your just supporting their racism. What are they going to do, kick you out? If they do, you're so lucky, and they will miss you and feel bad for being so ignorant and beg you to come home. If not, they will learn something new. Good luck. Life is too short to not have what you want.
In my opinion
Yes you should
It will be tough however your folks should know he treats you well
All parents usually criticize relationships
You boyfriend should be really respectful and laid-back.
Does you father or mother have anything they like such as wine etc ?
I recommend he gives them a gift such as massage pass or etc to show he is considerate.
On the brightside, imagine the look on their face if you introduce them to a black or muslim type
That was VERY LONG!!!!! I think that you should introduce him to your parents if they dont accept him,let them be you like the guy! It YOUR life!!!! Not your parents! They should respect whoever you date.I know this is off subject but i was slightly offended that they talk bad about mexicans or latinos!(:
if you've been dating for 5 months you probably aleady know him enough to introduce them, so i say go for it!!
If your parents don't agree then i would say too bad, you cant stop loving someone just because someone doesnt approve of them
I know that would be hard to say to your parents, but just listen to what your heart thinks is right:)
Don't keep it a secret. He isn't a secret. He is your spouse and he should be comfortable with your parents and welcome. Don;t be too"afraid" or too "ashamed" of him. Just have confidence and just be his girlfriend...don't be to "racial" about culture because love matters.