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My girl choosing between me and her ex of 9 years.?

My girl choosing between me and her ex of 9 years.? Topic: My girl choosing between me and her ex of 9 years.?
July 19, 2019 / By Edwyna
Question: She lives with her ex. They have a 9 year old child together. Last night he talked to her and to me and he is telling her I don't love her, all I want is sex, yada yada yada. Which is completely untrue. She thinks the best thing for her son is to get back together with him (he broke her jaw a year ago, beat her, and never said he loved her or brought her flowers) I know I can provide the best life for her and take her and her son places. And I have told her all of this and more, but what can I do to get her to choose me, because I know she loves me more then anything, and wants to be with me, but she feels like she is leaving her son behind if she chooses me. I don't know what to do, please help
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Best Answers: My girl choosing between me and her ex of 9 years.?

Charlie Charlie | 5 days ago
Unfortunately she is in in a battering abusive relationship. normally it starts out with a "honeymoon" stage that lasts for a few months, then name calling occurs and verbal put downs and then it progresses to pushing, hitting, shoving and outright punching. The point is it is a progressive problem and cycle that progresses over a number of years in most cases. In between each phase there are apologies on the part of the abuser, followed by what is termed a shorter "honeymoon" stage. Usually promises of " I will never do this again, but you make me do it" is often the mantra of the batterer. The batterer never takes responsibility or ownership for the behavior. Unfortunately the woman you love has very low self-esteem and so it is difficult to break out of it. The person who is abused often feels "responsible" for the rage of the abuser. The abuser never takes ownership or responsibility for any of the abuse, and uses a number of manipulations to keep the abused person hooked into them. It is rather addictive actually for both partners. This cycle that you are speaking about has gone very far given the 9 year relationship. Sometimes it takes years for the abuser to reach a point where actual physical harm is done to the abused,, but rest assured the verbal abuse, the pushing, shoving, and general put downs have been going on for years. She may say it is her son that keeps her there but actually it is sort of an "addiction" to the cycle. The abused person by the way often feels that there is always something they can say or do to change the abuser. But of course they cannot, because you cannot change anyone. You are a threat, she has low self-esteem, so he will say anything to her at this point, especially about you because you are threatening the realtionship, and he is using the son to hook her back into him. Look I would like to say there is something you can do but you simply cannot. All you can tell her is that you love her and that you are there for her. Hopefully his rage will not kill her this go round, because what he did last year is very close...was that when you came on the scene by chance? You would be considered her rescuer, her savior if you will, and she probably trusts you more than anyone..but, she does not love herself, and she has low self-worth that is instructing her decisions. One thing you can tell her is that it is a known fact that son's and daugther's that witness abuse become either perpetrator's or victims themselves down the line, naturally because human beings tend to model behavior. The courageous thing to do for her and her son, would be to leave, get a restaining order and limit her ex's visitation rights. Boy this is really tough and I am sorry you are going through this, but you simply may have to wait it out if you can, but this is really down the road so to speak in terms of the cycle, meaning it has reached a critical mass. Also another thing you can do is tell her to have him and her go to a therapist that specializes in dealing with batterers and their spouses. I am thinking about her life. I know this may be hard for you but when you really love someone you have to try, and a therapist is the best chance here at this point.
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Charlie Originally Answered: how do i get over this girl that i've been friends with for 8 years or less?
ok i'll try to help you cause i am living the same situation little diffrent but the same problem. don't ever send her a text and tell her that you suffer from her or even that you want her out of your life cause 1st of all you have to convince yourself and ur heart that she is not ur friend anymore and stay normal with her cuz like this you will know if she realy care about you or if she realy love the other one more than you. If we suppose that you told her to get away you will be never happy cuz she will blame you for everything and this will make you feel worse. So just give yourself little time to think and to figure out everything , but if she realy love that Karen more than you and you are sure of this just don't be rushy and try to forget her just give ur self all the time u need. I hope i could help you cuz i realy know what if feels , i live the situation and i cry sometimes and i wish that thigs are diffrent but we can never change the reality i wish that ur friend is not like you feel. If you realized that she is like you feel don't think about her just leave her and find you poeple that realy appreciate what means real friends.
Charlie Originally Answered: how do i get over this girl that i've been friends with for 8 years or less?
Its hard loosing a friend, ive lost so many in the past four years in my life. you have to just move on and make other friends, if you sit and wait for her to come back and hang out with you when shes bored, youll never have other friends cause youll wait for her to text you or call you. Trust me, at school, become friendly with some of the people you have classes with, who knows these might become your new friends!

Ariel Ariel
I feel sorry for you. Being all caught up in the middle. It's pretty sad when women,proclaim to want a nice man. Yet when we get him. All that emotional baggage. From the previous ****** up relationship. We seem to carry into the new. And all the messed up situations. We went through with the ex-factor. The innocent bystander "you" gets treated like the stepchild. In any event she may feel that; She doesn't deserve all the positivity. That you can give her. Unless she is afraid of him. And feels the need to go back. Under those pretenses. Most men who are abusive. Tend to be unpredictable,suicidal,and homicidal. Just be careful. If he wants her back. And she's gullable enough to go back. Then that's her problem. You do have feelings for her. And that's not a bad thing. Yet you can't keep being disposed of. Every time this low life piece of ****. Sways her mentally. By the bullshit he feeds her. Reassure her that you'll be here for her. Yet that you can't be waitng forever. In order for her to decide who she actually want.
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Zebadiah Zebadiah
First build a relationship with her son. Buy him things for Christmas, be like a dad...a TRUE dad that doesn't abuse his mother. Once she realizes that her son is okay with you, she might allow it. Prepare for being a father, because it takes a lot of patience and guts.
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Zebadiah Originally Answered: Girl 4 years older than me and Idk what Im feeling, help please?
Go for it. If she has facebook or something, do some background checking on her. Figure out how she describes herself, most of the time it will tell you if she's seeing someone, and just learn what you can. That's what I do. It can usually tell me if she's crazy, or taken, or any sort of different adjectives. If she's single and seems to take an interest, ask her out. If she doesn't show interest, be her friend. Not too long, or you're going to be in the friend circle, and your guys's friendship "Just won't be worth screwing up by trying to start a relationship" and then you'll be pissed off and miserable. When you're her friend, just try and get really close, emotionally. Those kind of relationships are usually the ones that seem to last anyway. Then you'll also get to know her really well. Oh and get close physically too. The more occurences where your guys's faces are two inches apart, the more likely you're going to get to go in for that first kiss. Good luck!

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