My husband calls me ugly would it be wrong to divorce him over this? ?
Topic: My husband calls me ugly would it be wrong to divorce him over this? ?
July 19, 2019 / By Heron Question:
Every time my husband fights with me lately he calls me ugly. he apologizes the next day or later. He'll say he says it only becuz he knows it hurts me. But I believe he really feels that way. He is very critical of only me and not our daughters. I'm very depressed and feel like he is in happy but when I talk to him about leaving he doesn't want to leave. Then it starts all over. We have two girls he is good with. He makes plenty of money in the military. It's not all bad but if he is not attracted. It must be the kids He drinks and will say he doesn't want different men around our girls. One girl is mine from a previous marriage who loves him. Or I think he doesn't want to pay Childsupport. I don't know I don't think it's love. He has a drinking problem he has had for yrs. I think his first wife cheated becuz of it. I was cheated by my first husband. I'm not afraid to be out there again. I would fight if I knew his love was genuine but how can he call me ugly. I want him to be happy with someone he can respect. But he acts like he is stuck to me. Please help I feel stuck sometimes too.
Best Answers: My husband calls me ugly would it be wrong to divorce him over this? ?
Ellger | 6 days ago
Why are your still there?
He has hit you before. I thought he stopped drinking after that because he was in trouble with his superior in military? He must have started again?
You need to stop worrying about fighting for your marriage and start fighting for your happiness and your daughters. He has SO MANY ISSUES! You can't cure him.
Please recognize that you are in a co-dependent relationship and, as such, you enable him in his alcoholism and mistreatment of you. You know how I know you are in this kind of relationship? Because no too long ago, when he was sober, you said you wished he would start drinking again because he wasn't fun anymore. You were bored. COME ON!
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👍 220 | 👎 6
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Originally Answered: My husband always calls his parents?
He needs to cut the umbilical cord. On the other token, his parents need to step up and tell their son that it's his marriage, his problem. I cant think of anything more disgusting than a grown man getting his parents involved in something thats really none of their business. If he can't keep your person life just between the two of you, I can guarentee its going to cause A LOT of problems down the road. You have to put your foot down on this...... Trust me
Okay two things:
1). You wrote: He has a drinking problem he has had for yrs. I think his first wife cheated becuz of it.
Alcohol really destroys a person. Obviously he has serious issues if he has a drinking problem. Disrespecting you and calling you ugly is not the answer. If he can't control his alcoholism, then maybe its time to leave. He may one day or night, go too far and become violent.
2). You wrote: "I was cheated by my first husband. I'm not afraid to be out there again. I would fight if I knew his love was genuine."
How can he love you if he can't respect you? Its not real love. He's so into himself and his drinking that he can't see what he has. The alcohol is destroying him, and he's destroying the marriage. Inasmuch as he may love the kids, how can he show them love and treat their mother like this?
The only thing you can do is ask him to get help with his drinking so he can stop that altogether. Until he does, he will never be thinking with a clear head and his heart will be closed. Right now he's in selfish mode. And that's not healthy for him or you.
If he can't or won't stop drinking on his own, then he needs to get help for it and find a way to stop now. If not it will ruin your family and you might as well be out on your own again.
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Your story resonates with mine. I was in a two and half year relationship with a man who has a major substance dependence. Alcohol being the main one, besides marijuana and cocaine. It was bearable at the beginning but as I am tea total and cannot bear the smell or sight of drugs, it became palpable that his habits were not in tune with my lifestyle. I could not take his late night drinking crawls and lots of other dysfunctional behaviors that had nothing to do with my value system. His attributes could not make up for all the dragging down effect of his drinking. Calling you ugly is a sign of disrespect that is obviously apparent to you, as you are hurtful from it. It is great that he cares for your children. However, alcoholism is a disease that needs treatment and if untreated it leads into a series of situations you do not even know how you got into. Life is short. My ex is now married and I wish him well and I hope he is happy. I know I am happy now without him and that I would not have been able to be happy with him in his condition. Hope this helps. Best wishes and take care.
👍 85 | 👎 0
OK, I am going to spell it out for you get T - H - E - R - A - P - Y !!! Whatever is coming out when he drinks is there for a reason... either he really has these feelings or he has other deeper issues from his past life (mother issues, past girlfriend issues, etc) that need to be dealt with. This behavior, two or twenty times a year, is inappropriate in any relationship. The porn thing... well.... that's not a big deal if he's doing it for the right reasons. I mean, if he's addicted to it, yet another reason to get him help. Eventually this behavior will wear on you and your relationship and things will get worse. I hope you don't have kids and GOD FORBID if you do, he is acting this way in front of them. Ugh, that would be bad. Get help fast, or you are doomed. Good luck!
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You should not be with a man that treats you badly, and you don't want your daughters to grow up and think that that is okay. You seem miserable and there is really no use in staying together - you can do so much better. If you have a close friend or family member that will help you with the divorce and what not - i would ask.
👍 75 | 👎 -6
Originally Answered: Husband calls my grandma and tattles on us?
You let the therapist handle this...she/he will want to know why Hubby 'broke the rules'....sit back and watch him squirm. And No, it's not okay for him to do so...it's very childish/immature and controlling...and Grandma knows better than to get involved so if she got herself all worked up over something that's none of her business, too damn bad. She should have cut Hubby off and told him 'I will not get involved nor will I listen.'