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Okay, medium length essay, wondering if anyone would proof read for me? Points + best answer to first answer!?

Okay, medium length essay, wondering if anyone would proof read for me? Points + best answer to first answer!? Topic: Okay, medium length essay, wondering if anyone would proof read for me? Points + best answer to first answer!?
July 18, 2019 / By Neas
Question: So i wrote an essay on why NOT to watch TV for my LA class, and I was wondering if anyone else would proof read it for me? Really grateful, point best answer ect for first complete response! :Lorium Ipsum -what?- due to teens and adults choosing to watch TV over reading a book, no one reads anymore anyway. TV has been in vast demand since the 1950-60’s when it first became a big hit with the public, now 40% of families have 3 TV’s in their household. TV is domination today’s society, so why not try turning it off, just for a week? For a start, watching TV correlates with poor health, weight gain, and low energy levels [Simplemom.net]. Yet many parents/guardians are fine with their children sitting down and watching hours of it- leaving little time for school-work, or exercise. You may say that many children are Kinetic learners-meaning they learn best by ,for example, watching an educational TV program about a subject. Should these children have to struggle with learning just because they can only do it in a different way then others? No. But then, if you’re saying your child should be able to watch educational TV, why is to much TV stereotyped [rightly] to bad grades, and why are they watching Disney channel rather then TLC? Television also conveys the idea that violence is okay to small and subjectable children. We see young children running around, using their hands as toy guns, one being the baddy and the other a cop, but where do they get these ideas from? It may seem innocent at the time, and as most children do it we assume it’s normal for them to pretend to be a criminal, but they grow up thinking it’s perfectly okay to stroll into a bank with a gun and act like their favourite TV hero. It’s not. Where do you think they’re getting these ideas from? Speaking from experience (yes, that’s right, all 13 years of it[!]) most of the swear words, adult jokes/references and information that many parents wouldn’t want their child to know, comes from what I’ve seen on TV. It’s true for most adolescents and teenagers. Many would say “we’ll just monitor what our child sees on TV!” but why aren’t you already?! G. Bush once said “We have an off button for a reason.[To] turn TV off…” When giving a speech about TV and it’s effect on youth. And lastly, it slows down your brain activity. Yes, I know we already talked briefly about education in the fist paragraph but I’m here to educate you some more! There’s a reason why they say “couch potato”,excessive TV watching turns your head into a figurative potato in over time. Research has shown that when you are watching TV, your higher brain regions shut down[Opiate of the Masses]. Your lower brain is set in a “fight or flight” response mode. Over, your higher brain regions experience atrophy due to lack of usage. Studies have shown that TV children watching TV can lead to a low attention span. Of course, they are all however, only opinions and facts. The only thing that you can do is turn of the TV for only one week! That’s it! That’s all you have to do, no “I’m never going to watch TV again!” [because let’s face it, it’s simply not true and the prospect is daunting] So just boycott it for one week with us! Save a couple hundred brain cells, who knows, maybe you’ll like it?
Best Answer

Best Answers: Okay, medium length essay, wondering if anyone would proof read for me? Points + best answer to first answer!?

Keshaun Keshaun | 10 days ago
Don't say "for a start" and "lastly" your paragraphs should flow smoothly and you should transition better than simple introductory phrases.
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Keshaun Originally Answered: Kite Runner HELP Essay - PLEASE ANSWER IF YOU READ? 10 pts for best answer?
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini Study Guides. http://wikisummaries.org/The_Kite_Runner http://www.impatientreader.com/html/kiterunner.html http://www.gradesaver.com/the-kite-runner/study-guide/ http://thebestnotes.com/booknotes/Kite_Runner/Kite_Runner01.html http://www.cliffsnotes.com/WileyCDA/LitNote/The-Kite-Runner.id-199.html http://www.swisseduc.ch/english/readinglist/hosseini_khaled/kite/summary.html

Hoyt Hoyt
Books transform your life sentence structure, reading level, spelling, vocabulary, and generally are more educational than T.V.
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Emmett Emmett
the main respected media source interior the U. S. is the manhattan situations. might a outstanding-wing or in line with threat a independent paper do this? From in the present day's NYT Editorial "via fact the Senate struggles to offer respectable law from the homestead’s modern SHAM costs, human beings will see the actuality: their representatives interior the homestead went on holiday devoid of DOING THEIR activity." "respectable", "SHAM" and "devoid of doing their jobs" are fee weighted down words. i understand that in simple terms somewhat writing is meant to furnish an opinion, in spite of the undeniable fact that it might have sufficed to declare "via fact the Senate struggles to reconcile their law with the homestead’s modern costs". the situations recently 'broke' memories which will make battling the war on terror extra tricky. They printed addresses and photographs of homes for top administration officers, putting their lives in threat. it rather is something the old "gray woman" in no way does to the Ds.
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Clive Clive
Really really good!!! Why not try to make a little less paragraphs and make it look longer but other than that I loved it!!!!! :)
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Clive Originally Answered: Proof read my 9 sentence Essay PLease. EASY 10 Points!?
LOL I am an atheist so I would have to disagree. But I will play nice and won't nitpick you ideas and will nitpick your grammar instead. "Going to church, my family is enjoyed" You mean your family enjoys church or the church enjoys your family? "Since the beginning of time people always had faith and believed in god or a godly figure." Should be "have had faith" Remove "god or godly figure" and replace with something like "a higher being" Don't label your points as "the first reason".."the second reason"...just lead into them. Try something like "Religious practice provides faith" Take out "in my opinion" because when you write that it comes not a valid point but rather just your point..so it makes the argument weak. (I don't know what you can write here instead because I do not believe that everyone needs something to believe in) The hope thing is ok if you take out "the second reason" The third point (in my opinion is bullshit) but try re-wording it to something like "Religious practice helps people establish a moral foundation and a guide to moral behavior" *Sociological and psychological research indicates that there is no co- relation between going to church and "developing morals". But I could see something like the 10 commandments/ Jesus Sermon on the mount as being a foundation or morals.

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