If arguing with your wife until you get what you want isn't "manning up" or "having a spine" then what is?

If arguing with your wife until you get what you want isn't "manning up" or "having a spine" then what is? Topic: If arguing with your wife until you get what you want isn't "manning up" or "having a spine" then what is?
July 20, 2019 / By Aliah
Question: I've already established in other questions that she started neglecting the marriage and my needs as far back as 2005. I only started to be argumentative and confrontational with my wife in 2010 when I came home from my job where I worked 80 hours a week to run a store short on help and realized that my home life was nothing like I wanted (her neglecting me, her doing everything for the kids, the cleaning never getting done, etc.)... So if me being bold and putting it in her face that we have these problems and we need to come up with a solution isn't me "manning up" and "having a spine" then what is? It isn't my fault that she avoids the discussion and I have to bring it back up one hundred times. And whenever I solve the problem myself she doesn't go along with the solution (sabotages so she doesn't have to have the change affect her life). So seriously, how am I supposed to do this? If I accept things as they are then I'm basically living a loveless marriage where my wife is in charge of everything and I am just a worker bee (not an uncommon arrangement from what I hear). What if I do not want to accept this fate? What if I'm tired of being controlled by other people and not having authority over myself? If I don't argue with my wife and show her that I have control over myself, and instead I just get absorbed in her selfish ideas of how I can serve her life, then I lose authority over myself and I am nothing more than a servant... So seriously, how do I "man up"?
Best Answer

Best Answers: If arguing with your wife until you get what you want isn't "manning up" or "having a spine" then what is?

Tyrone Tyrone | 9 days ago
I don't believe anyone here has ever told you to be argumentative and confrontational with your wife in order to "Man Up". Quite the opposite, actually. You have been told to NOT allow her to control you or your actions and reactions, which means to walk away when she's being manipulative. Ignore her when she's acting out. Manning up is more about being mature enough to know how to handle a situation correctly. In no way does that mean trying to take over control of your wife, or trying to exert power over her.
👍 186 | 👎 9
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Tyrone Originally Answered: Does anyone else see the marketing ploy set by the NFL With Manning VS Manning to start the year.?
I don't know about all major sports, but the NFL does seem extremely scripted. When they come right out and tell you that holding could be called on every play, but it only seems to be called on a critical play, it makes you wonder how much power those officials hold. Football is not what the NFL is about anymore. It's about everybody in the "industry" getting rich - owners, players & coaches, the network TV people, the advertisers, and the gambling interests (don't think that they're not part of the equation). I think next year, I'm going to watch the "Puppy Bowl".

Rik Rik
You may have to realize that you can't change your wife, so many of your questions are focused on how to get her to change her behavior. I know divorce is not the answer you want but it may be the only way to fix your life. You could even try trial separation and see if anything changes with her. But any changes made under circumstances like that most likely won't be permanent. Manning up basically just means to stop rolling over for her and jumping when she wants you to jump. She may be a very manipulative person but you allow yourself to be manipulated. Some people are not good for a relationship with another person. If she truly is this self absorbed, there is nothing you can do to fix the marriage or your life with her because all she is focused on is herself. She has to have some caring for you and the marriage to change at all and it doesn't sound like she does. A marriage requires two people to participate, if she does not want to participate there really is nothing you can do besides taking a break from the relationship to wake her up and make her participate. She knows that she can get you to do anything she wants with her manipulation and you will not leave, change the program.
👍 70 | 👎 2

Merv Merv
arguing with your wife is not a man (that's called immature) compromising with her shows wisdom I'm sorry you feel that way, but when I was growing up we did it this way and we did it that way because it was fair. it sounds to me like the children need to help mom clean - they can and should be in charge of chores - picking up their toys before dinner, setting the table, getting the condiments out of the fridge, slicing the vegetables for dinner - age appropriate I understand where you are coming from - she avoids the conversation and then tries to place blame on you - its arguing and getting no where - don't fall into the game, ok? think of her as a child that you adore - how do you kindly, with love, show her she can pick up the living room floor before you get home so you are happier coming home? arguing or getting angry or making her feel bad isn't going 'force' her into anything - you want her to buy into it - what's in it for her - give her something worth it (your affection, a problem she has - whatever she is craving, missing, desiring) we had a paint problem and a shoe problem at home - we argued for 8 years about it - we had no room at the back door for a basket for shoes - so the boys could only have one pair out at a time (or risk stepping and falling over them) - we had tons of paint (we have a large house, and I paint every 3-5 years) and stored them under the washer and dryer pull outs - after 8 years of arguing - we decided to buy a storage rack for the paint in the basement and let the boys use under the dryer for their shoes (the only place possible to store multiple shoes at that location) - it took 8 years for that to happen because all we did was argue (don't be so dumb, please?- I shared my personal story to help you understand)
👍 62 | 👎 -5

Jordon Jordon
Setting boundaries, and reinforcing those boundaries when needed, is manning up. Meaning, you say, "I need you to ask me to do things instead of just demand that I do them. If you can't do that, you'll have to do them yourself." Then, when she barks an order, you don't do what she wants, and tell her why. If at that point she asks, you would do your part. Are you capable of that? I doubt it... and that's not on her. It's on you.
👍 54 | 👎 -12

Hanan Hanan
Some women are like a sponge, absorb everything but give nothing. Rgus comment is not meant to be sexist, but there are women out there who are preoccupied with themselves to realise they have a partner who requires some consideration. There is of course Divorce on the grounds of irretrieveable breakdown.! Not a pleasant thought but might be worth raising with her.
👍 46 | 👎 -19

Edison Edison
You tell yourself more lies than anyone I've ever heard of. "If I don't argue with my wife...I lose authority over myself." Of all the lies you could tell yourself, this is a particularly bad one to pick, and absurd to boot.
👍 38 | 👎 -26

Cam Cam
At this point the best way to man up is to get the hell out of that situation. Its becoming obvious that you both would be better off single.
👍 30 | 👎 -33

Cam Originally Answered: I have problems with my spine that's causing sciatica. I don't know whether to go to a spine Dr.?
I feel your pain brutha. Im 26 and have herniated discs in my lower back. I first went to the Chiropractor first got adjustments weekly that didn't help much, tried Acupuncture therapy, then tried decompression therapy and that also didn't do much for me. I am also hesitating getting surgery but thats my only option left. I have met people who have gotten surgery for bulging discs, for some of them it worked and for some it didn't. Try decompression therapy as your first option and go from there.

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