Need advice about long term relationships?
Topic: Need advice about long term relationships?
June 16, 2019 / By Annabelle Question:
I've been with my girlfriend for over a year. She's definitely in to me, despite our problems (we broke up once). My problem is I can't pinpoint how I feel about her all the time. There are days when I'm really in to her, and other days when I'm sort of cool.
I've had a lot of dysfunctional relationships in the past (usually where I'm into the girl WAY more than she's into me) but I remember a really passionate feeling towards the girl all the time. With my current gf I don't have that same burning feeling as often. Is that normal after being in a relationship this long (am I too accustomed to flings with flakes)?
I only ask because this is my first serious long term relationship (I'm 22), and she's been talking about commitment a lot lately...
Best Answers: Need advice about long term relationships?
Winthrop | 8 days ago
You could feel the way you do because in your subconscious, you might just be afraid this isn't going to last like the other ones & they turned into failures. And, there is that fear there nagging at the back of you mind. Don't forget too, when you're were younger, everything was all new & peachy rosey. You had nothing to compare a relationship with. Of course it was all exciting then because it was a new experience. I honestly wouldn't advise you to make a solid commitment until you are absolutly sure about her. Better you admit to a mistake now, than after the "papers" have been signed & the deal is closed so to speak. Just take it as it comes & see if time changes your feelings twds. her. See just how deeply you are in love w/her, if you really want this one to be the one you spend the rest of your life with. If you have any doubts, don't. But I'd say to give it time & a chance to see if she's the one. If you can't imagine your life w/o her being a part of it, then you'll know for sure she's the rite one. Just give it a few tests & you'll know for sure. All the best.
👍 184 | 👎 8
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Originally Answered: Help, long-term relationships are CONFUSING!?
I see why you are confused. What are you two supposed to accomplish during this "off" period? If the two of you are just taking a break just for the sake of it, you might as well call it quits now because when you get back together, nothing, I mean nothing, will have changed. While it is a good idea to know thy self before trying to become a part of a dual, if you two aren't involved in self improvement activities you will end up back in the same predicament you are in now. The bookstores have a ton of self improvement/help books in the relationship section. Go read some. Both of you need to learn what causes your problems and figure out how to solve them.
Growing together will work if "both" of you are willing to examine yourselves, be open to change, and make the necessary changes.
Stop making love to him during this period - either you are a couple or you are not. This behavior is a part of what is confusing the issue. Furthermore, you have to determine for yourself just how long you are willing to wait. This is your life and you get to determine this for yourself - set a time limit.
Long term relationship is good, in my opinion, because both you and your girl friend have ample time to discover each other as a person. I will not call your one-year relationship with your girl friend as long-term. You'll be amazed how much more you would know her after a year or two. And the same is true about you. The only time you can really make a commitment is when you have seen not only her good traits but also her shortcomings and despite that, you are still willing to marry her.
👍 70 | 👎 1
It is completely normal to have those feelings. You just have to listen to yourself, and when you feel like you don't know where you are at in the relationship, than take some time out for you, and don't hang out as much. If she is talking about commitment, and you just aren't there yet. Just tell her that your not looking that far in the future, and you are just living for the moment right now. If you continue to have less feelings for her, than maybe you should try a break again? Your 22, your still looking for who you are it's only natural to have the desire to explore what's out there, and maybe these feelings are trying to get you to be an individual for awhile, see if a relationship is for you. There is that girl out there that is going to blow you away, everyday, but you have to be receptive to that too. Don't stay with your gf now, because it is "comfortable"
👍 63 | 👎 -6
you answered ur own question i think... the reason is that u guys are thinking about this relationship as if it will last forever... its not wrong but u forget to have fun... its normal bt not so good... u should try to have fun and be lovers and partners too... u take it very serious and as i said its not wrong bt this makes u forget what it feels to be in love.. do something different spend quality time together not jsut being together .. make it special.. she's a girl and u r guy dont see urselves more as friends unless thats what u want... its not like u dont love her.. u r jsut probably scared because u kind of want this relationship to last and this makes both of u a bit stressed consiously or not..take a trip get drunk even hehe do something fun together... flirt with each other... live each moment u r together to the full and dont think too much about the future...
best of luck!
👍 56 | 👎 -13
i think its normal, you have been going out a long time and you have gotten close as friends as well as lovers so at times you probably just think shes cool and when your in the mood you want to kiss her more. think about your parents, were they always making out?? no. so enjoy your relationships and think about getting more serious, your not a teen anymore, you have to get used to long distance now, not flings.
👍 49 | 👎 -20
It's possible that you still have feeling for one of your exs if this is true,you need to sort them out before you and your current GF get too serious.
👍 42 | 👎 -27
go with your gut instincts. if they are not telling you that you can't live without her; try taking a couple of days to yourself; and see how you feel.
if you still don't feel any spark; maybe it's time to move on; for both of your sakes.
👍 35 | 👎 -34
Originally Answered: LGBT: Do you find long-term relationships.?
My bf and I have been together 15 years. A piece of paper would make no difference. We have willed all our possessions to each other. Love is love. OK?