Please help! I am desperate. marriage relationship problem how can i solve this?
Topic: Please help! I am desperate. marriage relationship problem how can i solve this?
July 20, 2019 / By Christabel Question:
please no religious answers, i have my own faith.
i met my wife online 13 years ago, we eventually met in real life and got married... after living in my beloved city we had to move after a relative died to support her family... it was a very difficult move to me but now i realize it was good.. but after that she became colder and colder to me.. sex became really robotic!!.. often i find more pleasure with masturbation, no kidding... whenever i am out for some days i come back she still looks the same, no passion no love, like a mother.. after several years like this i met another girl online and things started to get really hot with her.. but she doesnt know im married, and she wants to meet me, she even thinks i live in another country... my wife wants kids, but i think this relationship has no future.. i am used to love, care attention and i really need sex...i always give my best in all i do, and i invested my whole life to make this family work.. until then when this bubble exploded.. both girls are very sweet persons and i'd rather die than to hurt any of them... i feel like junk, emotionally and morally exausted, considered many times the ultimate solution,really... or just runaway and live alone.. how can i get this fixed?
please no jokes or religious ideas, this is a serious situation. thanks.
my wife was my first girlfriend, and we got married when i was 21..i have very few friends, and very little good fun time.. fun time will improve eventually, but looking back the last 5 years, work often is more fun than anything else in life.. for both of us..
and although my wife takes great care of me, and i think we still have feelings for each other, i dont need a mother i need a woman.. and a good friend.. i am very communicative but have to hold all these feelings to me cause i dont think she would bear to hear all this, she is very sensitive and i must be a "real man".. plus there are health and economic problems with her family and i am the main source of income.. a divorce would be likely unbearable to her... i feel very grounded and unhappy.. the girl ive met online is not perfect and mb it would never become a long relationship.. i realize i might use her as an escape to me now, and that makes me feel even worse cause she is really awesome, but the very little ha
Best Answers: Please help! I am desperate. marriage relationship problem how can i solve this?
Augusta | 9 days ago
You owe her respect as a human being.
You have to first give her a chance.
Even if you have !
Tell her that you are not connected with her anymore and it seriously hurts you.
What have you got to loose at this point ?
But she might have some problem you dont know about.
You might find out later on that the problem was with you !
Tell her tomorrow how you feel EXACTLY !
You will respect yourself more later on if you do and she will also have more respect for you.
👍 146 | 👎 9
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Originally Answered: I am in desperate need of relationship help!?
You won't EVER be able to fix him. It doesn't work.
You have a choice - either be with your family or be with his. Apparently he is trying to isolate you from your family and turn you against them, which is a sign of abuse. Seriously - what business is it of his what your mother does in her house? Who the hell is he to judge her because she rents to a guy? Does he pay for it? Why would HE need to apologized to for anything??
I'm sorry, darling, but I see this as being a no-win situation if you stay with this guy. He sounds like a total a$$hole. He will tell you things straight up no matter if it hurts you? Well, thanks but no thanks. Someone who cares about me will never try to hurt me. There are ALWAYS tactful ways of putting things. People who use the "honesty" crap is a cover-up cop-out for being a jerk and not taking responsibility for the disrespectful garbage that comes out of their mouths.
I'm sorry darling - you need to ditch this zero. Your family is way more important than this guy who I can guarantee will be your critical control-freak BF if you let it continue.
you need to go to counseling to figure out why you are destroying your marriage dont blame your wife she did not turn out of the marriage when times got tough. You have been selfish your whole marriage and most likely in every relationship you have like many men you choice just to dump your wife if you actually have to work on your marriage using emotions and conversation vs using your charm and sex. You are in denial that you are the really problem in your marriage your wife is not the problem.
a mature man would work on the marriage. Its time for you to grow up and become a man. Our society now thinks that when your relationship is no longer perfect its time to replace the spouse. What you will find is the next relationship will not be perfect also and then you will move onto the next relationship never filling your emptiness you feel. Your emptiness is your issue and no one can fill it, you need to find out why you feel this way.
watch the movie "Fire Proof my marriage" it has a religious undertone but if your are not religious you will still learn the a marriage needs to be nurtured from both the man and the women. Also read the book The Five languages of love by gary chapman (both of these have websites)
👍 50 | 👎 2
On a serious note I love God..however we have all been here done that.. The only problem is when you first met your wife she was the girl your excited about right? I would say flat out your change or we get help or I am gone plain and simple go to counsel you owe it to try.. these other girls excite you but then the passion runs out.. another day and the grass still needs to be mowed... it's a realtionship issue that you will have to get corrected running away to the next will just bring more heartache.. I felt the same way and you will end up with a girl more kids another divorce and 50% chikd support go to God not the arm of flesh..
👍 42 | 👎 -5
Daniel, first, does your wife know how you feel? Have you discussed your feelings with her & actually asked her what her problem is. Why has she changed from being so different than the person you first fell in love with?! You do need to have one serious talk with her. Let her know how you feel & hold nothing back. Let her know you're about at the end of your rope with your marriage & feel something MUST be done about it. First see if she's in agreement to going to counseling with you. I've done my fair share in my life time, they DO work!! IF she's not in agreement to do a thing about your marriage or to even attempt to "fix" it, then I'd mention divorce to her. Ler her know you cannot go on as you are much longer. You feel something MUST be done or you feel the only alternative would be to split up. Kids are not going save or change a thing, so DO NOT let her tell you differently, it will further complicate your lives until you know which course you're taking. Let her know the urgency & importance of making some kind of a decision & let that be your guide...best to you...:)
👍 34 | 👎 -12
first hurting yourself would only make things worst. So all i can say with that is think of positive things, like the family you want. Tell your wife, speak to her communication is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. I personally think you should cut off the communication with the other girl you're talking to, why? because the truth will eventually come out, tell her you're married and With your wife tell her how you feel, sit and speak with her tell her what you want because I'm sure you do everything you can to make her happy, but then again i have to be honest with you hooking up with that girl online isn't cool, and a good thing to do, but then again speak with her and tell her how you feel...if things don't work out tell her you want to take a break, because things won't work out,,,tell her exactly what you typed here but don't put in the runaway part,,,
👍 26 | 👎 -19
Option 1: talk to your wife and work something out. Maybe she's in some sort of stress, or just has stopped loving you.
Option 2: don't discuss the problems with your wife, divorce her, and see how it goes from there. You've already lied to this online girl by saying you live in another country, so maybe you should stay single a while.
👍 18 | 👎 -26
Back to your old tricks again, but this time you are married...What have you not done or done for her to change her feelings towards you? Get back on track and stop being selfish! Nope you can run but you won't be able to hide! You both are grown adults (I think), talk to her and find out the the heck is going on....You have not once mentioned what she is upset about...You only spoke of pleasing your own needs. So what is up with that? Perhaps its just the season of your time...but only God decide that part. And by the way, what do you mean by out sometimes....why isn't she with you when you are out sometimes...? That could be one of the problems right there! She wants companion time and you want ME time...well it don't quite work that way when you are married and/or have kids. It will always be US time...Get it!
👍 10 | 👎 -33
PLEASE don't have children! You don't have an honest reltionship, and your sham marriage would be a dreadful example to them. Besides, your marriage seems to have run its course so you'd have little to offer them.
Obviously you want out if you are talking to women on line - although you can't even be honest there, it seems. No wonder you feel "morally exhausted" (whatever that means!).
👍 2 | 👎 -40
Originally Answered: Does marriage/ relationship always have to depend on how great sex is?
You have to be a woman to ask this question. No problems... but the reason you can't understand is because you aren't a man... well, some women need sex as much, but not as many.
Yes, sex is THAT important. But it's so much more involved than that. People write sex off as a recreational activity and lower it's importance.
If it's not that important than who cares if you cheat? But wait, that would be worth divorcing. How can something that isn't important be so damaging if you do it with someone else? That's because it IS that important.
A few things you don't know... Men simply lose their connection without enough sex. Many women as well.
What if your man didn't show any emotional affection? That would probably crush you, but men would rather have tons of sex and no affection then the other way around. You are looking at this from ONLY a woman's view point.
Let's say you made a deal with a grocery store. You would ONLY buy your groceries there for the rest of your life and in return, they would give you great prices. Sounds good, so you sign up. A few years in, their food is never fresh and their product variety shrinks fast. A few more years and you find that not only is the quality of their food really bad but the store is rarely open. Most times you just go hungry. The few times you do get in the door, the food is bad.
How long would you put up with that before you went to a different store? You signed the contract with the assumption that all things would remain the same. Your commitment to the store was based on CURRENT service and product quality. You would easily win a judgement in court if the store had changed to this degree... but why do you think that sex is any different? You make a commitment for life with the provision that the other person will always consider your needs and do their best. Just because THEY don't care about sex anymore does not diminish your need so there is a breach of contract.
It's even deeper than that. You cannot sustain marriage love without sex. At least men cannot. The love actually dies. What if your man told you he no longer loved you. It was because you changed into something other than a wife... a room mate... you would probably divorce simply because he said that. But you expect him to stay around if you aren't doing what it takes to make it work.
Please do not get married until you see why this way of thinking is wrong. Your man will leave every single time. Even if you don't understand, doing this to a man is worse than cheating. Spare yourself the pain of divorce and simply stay single if you can't see the reason for great sex forever.
My philosophy is that fidelity is equal to sexual fulfillment with men. You will have a hard time finding a man who cheated that had great sex often. You will EASILY find men who cheat due to lack of or poor quality of sex.
Even if you don't understand... you will get the same results. Making a good argument is not going to keep your man faithful. Good sex OFTEN will, however.
Try it... have sex less than your man needs and just wait.. he will fall out of love and then cheating just happens.
And to Shannons answer above... she only sees this from a woman's point of view. Love without sex is being a sister... it's not marriage love. Besides, she is simply making sure HER needs are met and dismissing a man's needs because they aren't hers so they MUST not be important. That's selfish and egocentric.