Topic: What should I do about my grown children?
June 16, 2019 / By Cierra Question:
I have 3 children now living with me or near me: ages 18, 19, and 22. The 22-year old lives with my aged parents down the street and trashes his room at their house (by the way, my parents are 76 and 82 respectively.). The 18 y.o. has been attending his college classes and doing his homework; yet lately, I've been seeing him skip classes to stay home and surf the Internet (Myspace and ESPN to be exact). My 19-year old takes semesters off from college frequently, but she says she cannot wait to finish school to be a manager (I don't believe her though, because she doesn't like schooln at all). My 22 y.o. has been 4.5 years in a community college so far, has no A.A. degree yet, and he lied and told me that he was enrolled at the local university. However, later on, he told me the truth and said he was still in community college. In the beginning of this semester, I saw him going to school; but now he has a new job, and I always see him either at my house watching tv, sleeping or eating; or I see him going to work.
My parents, my 24-year old daughter, and myself never see him going to school or studying. When I ask my parents where he went, they say "to school," but I'll ask my 24 y.o. where he is, she'd say "at your house watching tv or surfing the Internet." So what should I do about these kids? Should I kick them out, or let them stay but cut off the Internet and cable as a punishment (perhaps block MySpace and ESPN on the computer)? Should my 22 y.o. move out of my parents house (my parents are trying to enjoy their retirement but they can't). How should I handle my lazy children who don't take their education seriously?
Azura | 2 days ago
You should have instilled principles and integrity in your kids years ago!! You lost control of your kids long ago, but you may be able to correct some of crap that is going on right now.
First, put a password on your computer so nobody can get on except YOU. Then, get that 22 year old out of your parents house! He should not be trashing a room in their home. Sit all three of your little darlings down and tell them they have two choices: Get their butts back in school, and you want to see their grades every semester and they can stay in YOUR home (with rules, this time!) or, they can get jobs and move out.
I don't understand why ANY parent would put up with behavior like this. There are way too many adult kids out there that think their parents owe them a free ride forever! And, you are one of the parents that have encouraged this!! What total BS!!
I think the first thing you need to do is...support your parents and get him out of their home...it's very unfair that they have this sort of thing going on in their lives , as you say yourself they should be enjoying their retirement. These are your children so it's up to you to sort this problem out..the first thing you need to do is ...set down new ground rules if they are to continue to live in your home...get rid of the internet for a start...then make them pay towards their keep while living with you..if that doesn't work then it's time for all of them to hit the road. You are doing them no favours if you allow them to continue as they are...they will never be prepared for the big world...remember it's your home and they should live by the rules...also they should all be holding down some sort of job even while they are at college..that way they can pay their way in this world...nothing is free. These are not little children ...they are young adults and should start behaving like young adults.
I'm a mother of adult children who are all standing on thier own 2 feet now...it's not easy dealing with this sort of problem but you must take a stand and stick to it.
How can you expect them to take their education seriously if you aren't taking your duties as a parent seriously? Your grown child should absolutely not be living with your parents. I can't even imagine why you are allowing your son to ruin your parents retirement. He is your responsbility, not your parents. Get him out of there.
Second, the best parents have a simple rule when their kids reach the age of 18 - either you go to school full time and you can live at home, or you move out. Period. You shouldn't be supporting your kids if they aren't trying to support themselves. Period. You're not helping them at all if you allow them to live under your roof, surf your internet, eat your food, all in return for absolutely nothing. You're not doing them any favors, you're setting them up failure. It is your responsibility to teach these kids responsibility. And it starts with setting them out on their own. Let them fail on their own, it takes a lot of trial and error to become a responsible adult.
You should be relaxing right now and enjoying your life now that your kids are of age. But instead you're stressing about them. Do them and yourself a favor by letting them go free.