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I'm pressured by my parent to be someone else.?

I'm pressured by my parent to be someone else.? Topic: I'm pressured by my parent to be someone else.?
June 16, 2019 / By Diamanda
Question: I have a cousin, who did drugs, went to rehab and had to be bailed out of prison. He skipped highschool and married someone, and he can't afford to pay for their living and so he lives off my very old and fragile Grandmother. My mom gave him the chance to go to Dubai and work there, but his 'rehab' was a waste of money, as he declined and made his wife go instead of him. I have been raised to be someone else, and I feel like it's pressured me so much that I keep failing and turning into that person, I don't want to end up like him but whenever I don't go to school or fail a test my parents keep reminding me of him. They know that I'm the type to be easily offended but they compare me to him anyway. My dad ignores me and my mom keeps telling me that she's seeing 'signs' or some BS. What the Hell? I'm trying to live my life and I have all these people breathing down my back and forcing me to turn into him, Why? because whenever I get stressed it's the best option. Be lazy. How do I tell my parents to stop reminding me of him? Or should I just kill myself and go end my consciousness? And please, no religious answers like: God will help me through this or some crap like that. I am Atheist but my Parents disapprove. THIS IS NOT A TROLL QUESTION
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Best Answers: I'm pressured by my parent to be someone else.?

Caprina Caprina | 2 days ago
Actively concentrate on doing all of your homework and getting it turned in on time. Study before tests. The next time your parents tell you that you are like your cousin, respond only once with "I am not my cousin." Use a calm voice when you do, and say it only once (for that incident). It takes two to argue. Never argue or try to verbally defend yourself. Be agreeable even if you're right. You can defuse arguments by not participating. Avoid saying I, me and my when you speak with your parents. Listen to them and don't offer your opinion unless they ask for it. Do not complain. You should gradually notice a difference in the way they talk to you.
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Caprina Originally Answered: Are some Whites pressured to be racist?
Of course! There's a reason why racism is so prevalent in some parts of the country rather than others, and it's not because there's something weird in the water. :) Humans are social animals, and when the most outspoken members of a community feel a certain way, other members of the community feel pressured (overtly or otherwise) to feel the same. Certainly, some white communities use this to influence others in the community to follow their prejudices. It's also environmental. A friend of mine once told me that when he lived in a certain city, he was pretty racist against blacks and Hispanics. Not because he personally has anything against them, but because in that city, it was just what you did - you stood with the people who looked like you. (It's also sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If two groups - or three - foster imaginary divisions between themselves, eventually they're going to grow into actual divisions. If you live in an area where most white male teenagers and most black male teenagers belong to rival violent gangs, then yeah, eventually you become justified in distrusting each other on sight, because they really might stab you. But I digress.) Closer to home, my husband has to deal with an older co-worker who is incredibly patronizing towards him for his liberal, non-racist views. He doesn't allow this to sway him, but I can see how being surrounded by something like that might push someone towards saying things they don't really mean, just to keep the peace. This in no way excuses racism or makes it "ok," but yeah - I do think pressure to conform is a big part in just about all racism, not just by whites. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that all racism is a product of unexamined opinions, as I've yet to see the racist theory that stands up to serious critical analysis. Therefore, it usually stems from authority and/or groupthink (or occasionally appeals to emotion or other logical fallacies.)
Caprina Originally Answered: Are some Whites pressured to be racist?
Are some whites pressured to be racists? Sure they are. But not only whites. Nearly everyone (even blacks) are, at times in their lives, pressured by others to either be racist or have racist inclinations towards others. This is how racism is spread. It has to win new "converts" to the cult of hate. Putting pressure on others to be racist, is like throwing out a sales pitch for a bizarre "product" or enticing another to use an addictive substance. The point is, that racism has to spread (or win over new converts), in order to spread. And the hate mongerers not only put pressure on whites, but they've also put pressure on mulattoes to hate and disdain blacks. I've even read the complaints of black women, who say they've actually been criticized by certain WHITES for marrying a black man instead of marrying a white man. So here you have even blacks being pressured to disdain other blacks. It's all about divide and conquer...splitting people apart, slicing and dicing people up into opposing groups, so that only FEW come together and stand united. People in society are forever being broken up into fractions and pitted against each other.

Amethyst Amethyst
Try explaining to them that you are trying your best already and that you don't need all that pressure. Tell them that the pressure's not helping you, it's making it worse. Tell them that if they keep breathing down your neck, you're going to end up like your cousin from all that stress. If they don't listen, ignore them. no offense to your parents, but they're kinda weird....
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Ward Ward
When I was growing up, I had the same problem with my brother. The best you can do is ignore them. As soon as you move out, don't talk to them for awhile. Make them afraid of losing you. It sounds harsh, but it's the only way to make them appreciate what they have.
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Ward Originally Answered: if he is busy doing homework, and is pressured with it, how can I tell if he wants a relationship with me?
I'm really not sure what you're going for, but if the boy has homework he needs to do his homework. It might be flattering to think that he is giving up all responsibilities for you, but YOU don't want to be responsible for him failing. The school years (all the way through college) are for school. Relationships have to come second... It sucks, I know...

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